A day in the life of a Lemon Tree

Miss Roze.

I tend to find myself happiest when by myself.

Theres nothing more ugly to me than someone who complains about their life,
and nothing more beautiful than an ice cold breeze on a sunny morning.
I believe that your life is in everyway the way that you make it,
My life is perfect and no-ones ever going to change that.

I live by some of the weirdest morals but I'll listen to your opinion with an open mind.
I always tend to find myself in a rut of taking two steps forward in my life,
then one step back again and I dislike it more than anything.

There is not a single friend that I have that I could tell every one of my secrets to
and not feel as though they've judged me by the end, but in the end,
I have some of the most greatest friends I could possibly ask for.

I used to write about a boy that would whisper 'I love you' into my ear when I was asleep.
I never knew I'd actually find him.

April 2009

14 April 2009 @ 05:08 pm

(no subject)

It's like nothing else could matter now
that I'm with you.
That boy, that man, that kiss
meant nothing
because it's your kiss that means something
it's your hugs that mean
the most.
It's your eyes that catch the sunlight
and reflect me looking at you through them,
not his, or hers, or anyone elses.
It's your neck that I bite the way that I do,
it's our embrace
that I exhale to the way that I do.
It's you
that makes this moment
one to remember.

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02 March 2009 @ 09:10 pm

(no subject)

i'm chewing on this bottle cap.
Oh wow, i really actually am..
the saliva swells in my mouth,
I feel so bored.
with life? with you?
maybe its just me.
I've eaten too much chocolate today
comes with days spent on the computer now doesnt it?
I'm still chewing on this bottle cap
Damn, means I'm going to have to drink the rest of the water.
I'm hungry, really hungry,
more chocolate left
but I know I'll eat it all and still be hungry
heck, I'll eat it after my meal anyway
i might as well finish it.
Bottle caps to the side of my cheek now
I must be interested in what I'm writing,
What the hell am I writing?..what i'm thinking,
Welcome to my brain.
I think I'm a lesbian, or at least bi
A girlfriend would be fucking sweet
I could throw her around
and she could tell me she loves me
like girls do..
ah the thoughts pretty awesome.
shame I have a boyfriend back 'home' in Perth
he did say we could have an open relationship now didnt he? :)
so now, how do i tell my bestfriend thats moved states to come and live with me
that shes a burden on my life, she dampens who i am
and that i wanna leave this city anyway and move fucking countires
without her,
but yet, shes fucking awesome.
i dont know. i hope i dont know you.
bottle caps still to the side
this feel good just writing.

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15 February 2009 @ 08:59 pm

(no subject)

The day's already gone by, as were the kisses shared,
hearts held out on sleeves, and some fare too bared.
Deep down even though everything but alone; she sits
smiling to a boy that could only smile to her tits.
Why all the fakeness, for a day meant for divine love,
when in reality that would be to be with that girl thats now up above.
Failed and tired she leaves his side to be on her own,
even after all these years you would have thought her heart had grown.
but nights here now and she puts on another face,
dreaming of a world that in reality would be floating alone in space.
She's ready to flee now, to an atmosphere of music and liquor,
I guess she didnt know that the boys tonight would only make her feel sicker.
So alone in a room of many she continues to drink,
numbing the thought that a brains made to think;
of growing up so alone having to bare so much armour,
she wishes there was someone out there that could make her feel calmer.
But hours pass by as night turn to dawn,
and she sleeps the whole next day away only to wake with a yawn.

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23 January 2009 @ 08:01 pm

(no subject)

Somedays I look at this world and think fuck, why not just give up now and tell the sad pricks theyre not going to be okay if they keep falling for assholes, why not just let the real me inside out and be declared insane while I laugh like I'm high but im secretly sober while gassing a kindergarden school. but then I talk to that boy that I want to punch whilst making love to on a mountain, or I talk to that girl that ripped her acrylics off just pleasure me and I remember that as screwed up as this world is, there are still some amazing people out there that can change lives. And one better person, each by each, equates to this world.

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23 January 2009 @ 07:46 pm

(no subject)

Fuck what you know,
for all I know you could be dead tomorrow.
Make war,
then make love.
The orgams after anger is sure to take away your building sorrow.

Dream of a day like yesterday,
and the rest of your life will be better then you could have ever asked.
Let go,
and just dance
let be the one to shit on and conceal your past.

Does that count last night?

because an hour after I swallowed your present
I bit my lip,
and my tongue,
and my cheeks
and your nipple.

Fuckin oath it turned me on a little.

You know it's all a sin,
You are, I am,
..last night was. My cheeks are
matted flithy flesh,
Don't you wish life was just like Google
and we could just click Refresh?

So life's a sin,
and natures bad,
for when the cops searched my bag
and they found a tad;
okay, a whole bag
of maryjane
they took it from me and said 'Karmas a bitch'
So I've drifted from my original point,
and I can't remember why I started to write
but I'll let you know those cops sure can roll a joint.

doesn't change that its all a sin.
but fuck..
oh shit i just swore, another sin
Maybe this right now is hell
and when we die
we'll finally start living.

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16 January 2009 @ 10:23 pm

(no subject)

I'd love to tell them that I
miss them more than these texts
could ever come together to word out,
but I wont, and I surely never will
because sometimes
"I miss you"
is just another phrase
like "I love you"
overused and under felt,
and never steals your breath
quite like it does in person.
The two phrases that
no matter how much I try,
I could never write words for
let alone say them aloud to yous
when I fly across this state again,
for the true meaning behind them
could only be read
if you were to retrace your footprints
and follow them back to where yous first realised
that i liked and cared about you
underneath all the cobwebbed feelings
that i kept to myself.
So retrace them and you'd find
the place that I hide so well
that you've already looked at curiously
and thought nothing was there,
you'd find your spots
in my heart.

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16 January 2009 @ 09:54 pm

(no subject)

I'd love to tell them that I
miss them more than these texts
could ever come together to explain,
but I wont, and I surely never will
because sometimes
"I miss you"
is just another phrase
like "I love you"
overused and under felt.
The two phrases that
no matter how much I try,
I could never write words for,
for the true meaning behind them
could only be read
if you were to retrace your footprints
and go back to where you first realised
that i cared about you.
My heart.

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13 January 2009 @ 04:15 pm

(no subject)

We are the world. You, me, your lover.. and every other human under the one radiating sun.

We, as a world.. spend billions and billions of dollars every year trying to figure out if there are other worlds out there with living species on them, heaven knows why. Why would we want to know if there's more people out there when even in this world, the only one we have and will ever have.. we can't even share equally.
Every day we take forgranted the seconds that pass us by whilst enjoying life and the people that have crossed our paths in it, but yet.. out there right now there are people that won't see the daylight of tomorrow simply because they don't have enough food or water. The same water you use while brushing your sacred teeth.. could save someones life right then and there as you spit it out. but supposedly it's not 'our problem'..
I honestly can't get my head around why as a world we let this happen. Why all our parents and their parents never did anything about it even if the 60's were the years of tree huggers and loving everyone around us as well as peace. I truly believe that our generation of young people.. that's right, you. Together we really can change the world. Sure, you might think it sounds impossible.. but heck, Nothing at all is so hard that it can't be done if there is enough will power... We create spacecrafts worth the same amount of money that could cure world povertly onto to fly them out of the Earths atmopshere and have them crash to absolutely nothing.

We are the future... No one else. We will be the ones that shape the world we will live in. It might not be our responsibility now.. It's harsh, but true that eventually those such as the government, parents and even the King and Queen will all die and we'll be left to take over their place. To what? Live the same life we are living now of always trying to be better then everyone around us, succeeding in work, getting more money to waste on absolute shit, falling in and out of useless relationships.. Doesn't that sound fun...

Now imagine you were in front of a child right now that was dying.. and there was a chance that only one person in the whole entire world that could make them better.
They've stood in front of the rest of the world already with no or more faith then what they have in you right now, and all you have to do is smile to get a smile back. You're standing there in your thongs from City Beach and your jewellery from your ex lover and you honestly couldn't care if the if the sadprick smiled or not..but you still secretly hope. You even look into their eyes and somewhat wish out of natural selfishness that you could be the one out there that could be the one that makes the difference that no one else could, that you could be that one single person that affected them without even trying to.. that they didnt like you for your body, or money or anything other then the fact that your smile was the one that they naturally trusted and found themselves imitating. So you stare deeper into their eyes hoping to reach their soul.. and you smile at them. Seconds pass that feel like eternity and before you can even realise, they're smiling back at you and only you. You've just saved a life.
Try tell me that if you had the chance to not just save one life, but millions.. that you wouldn't do it?

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13 January 2009 @ 01:21 pm

(no subject)

for me its about the simple things in life. it's about the pleasurable rush of a piercing stabbing through your flesh to be replaced with a metal bar of jewellery, or about several needles inking your sweating flesh to state a point or commitment. it's about the boys that want to hangout purely for friendship, and the girls that want to hang out for something more. it's about seeing everything before you as if you'd never seen it before. it's about meeting someone so confident and arrogant, and leaving them feeling worthless. it's about sex complimenting a relationship. it's about 'that' damn feeling you get when you think you're in love. it's about the feeling when you hear your ex has moved on and had sex with someone else. it's about the thought that you get more time in a day when your in a new country and have to change your clock back. it's about being yourself. it's about trying to impress someone only to realise they'd like the person you really are inside better. it's about looking back at written down goals and realising you've done them all. it's about your lover being your bestfriend. it's about being confident inside that you can trust every single person you meet that they can't break you. it's about seeing someone you look up to fall and being able to finally be the one to pick them up. it's about moving on. it's about hiding your feelings. it's about never knowing your limits. it's about being able to laugh at yourself on your own. it's about being so damn high you think you can never come back down.
<br /><strong>it's about these things that make me happy.

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10 January 2009 @ 10:58 pm

(no subject)

My secrets are a hot bath of liquids
and the air around me is the the bath
I'm drowning
gurgling my way under
excuse after excuse.
and you believe me each time.
i'm not worthy of you
or your trust
or your love,
but i'll never let you know.

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31 December 2008 @ 05:49 pm

(no subject)

The warmth of the atmosphere
is like a blanket to my skin
sending an adrenalin rush of hormones through me.
I want you to be on me,
but I want to be on you..
theres just no winning.
I think Im thinking what your thinking,
so my pulse beats a little faster,
but I want it to pulsate out my chest
but it wont,
cos you're still over there.
I'd ask you to join me here,
but maybe you don't even want to
since you yourself haven't even asked.
So theres just no winning
unless you've got a great mind like mine,
where our actions, or lack of
are played out before me anyway.
T-shirt after jeans thrown gracefully on the floor
as your hot breath finds its way across my neck..
Fuck it. Lets just start with a peck.

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13 December 2008 @ 06:25 pm

(no subject)

For every smile tells a new story,
that I want to read with my eyes.
I see you
and I dream to meet you,
to know you,
to feel your presence,
your aura, your personality.
I dream to hear your tone
of your laugh at it's best,
your smile at it's weakest,
and wipe your tears at your happiest.
Is it wrong, is what I do bad
to look at you and trust wholy
to hold my heart out to heal your pain
to see her broken smile and ask her name.
I'll never let you know but I've given you me
my heart, my soul, my smile
it's all for you
to use until your at your best
for I'm at my worst
and I'm sure I can't be anymore broken.
but what if I can
what if you're what sews me shut
closing me from the world of ever knowing again
of ever seeing a smile and it brightening my day,
what if helping you
breaks me truly.

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11 December 2008 @ 06:54 am

(no subject)

I'm looking into your eyes,
I'm searching for you. For a soul,
for anyone at all.
Who are you anymore?
You're so lost but yet you think your so subtly found in a world where the truth is you'd never make the slightest difference.
I want to scour deep into your hollow pupil and see the girl you are inside underneath it all. Why do you do it?
Why do you keep running away from everything thats ever wanted to help you and keep you in line and on the straight and narrow?
You're a mess.
Your skin grows old as the days pass on.
Layer upon layer of nights worn makeup with stockings pulled high and battered heels.
I'm yearning for a tear, for anything at all. Show me something,
place your worn out hand upon that of mine and never let go.
I'm looking into your eyes again.
You're as silent as the shadows cast by an empty bottle of wine being lit in the moonlight.
So empty but yet you hold such a story behind the liquids that were once so pure inside you..
Such a divine story traces your every inch though you'd never even share it with your diary in fear of being judged.
You're staring back,
blinking only when it is that I blink so that you can still appear strong and fearless.
You want me to believe that you don't even need to blink your tired eyes,
but I know. I'll always know.
You're like a milk bottle thats yet to be out of date,
but you've been opened in the sun for days rotting to simply nothing.
I want to help you, I want to reach out to you and squeeze you until you cry and tell me that you've had enough. That you can't do it anymore.
But I could stab you, one after the other, and you'd still pretend you were fine and make me actually believe it.
I don't get it.
I don't get you.
I look down in pity and look up again to see you if your emotions in your blank face has changed and maybe you've realized that people actually care about you.
You look back up at me too,
eyes so cold and dark.
I'd declare you soul less and dead but yet I'm so sure I can still see who you used to be behind it all.
Oh just give me a smile. A smile you used to give not the ones you do now.
I hate the ones you do now.
I hate who you are now.
I swallow hard thinking about all the great times we've shared that you've probably forgotten now along with everything else you ever enjoyed or had a passion for.
I feel my face grow strickenly hot and I try to fight it away like you do with such talent,
but I can't.
One single tear traces its way down my cheek.
I hiccup fiercely and realize I still haven't breathed from swallowing the thought of you down.
I get up to turn and walk away, this is it,
only you can help yourself, goodbye
I take one last glimpse into your lifeless face.
It's staring back at me,
such purity and reality of simply a mirrored reflection,
with one single tear down your left cheek.
I reach out to you,
and only feel the cold glass pane of my bedroom mirror.

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10 December 2008 @ 03:38 pm

(no subject)

When did my corrupted smile grow to be so innocent?
I used to watch the world go by with such hatefulness and spite, I used to think my goals were so out of site but here I am accomplished and bored.
Never in my life would I have thought that the thing that would make me happy would be making others happy but here I am frustrated as days go by. Theres so much I want to do and see but there it is again, "You're too young. You're so naive. You're just a girl."
When did age matter when donating to charity? There I was the other day with my heart on my sleeve and a heartfelt smile on my face ready to sign my bankaccount away only to hear, "Sorry, you have to be 18.

I stand here as the world keeps on moving in a suitcase and prada bag blur and I see the girl with the broken smile walk by and all I want to do is reach out and wipe her tears away and tell her it will all be alright. I'm so sure it will be though, but what if it's not,

Did you know 25, 000 people die per day because they have no food? Thats 3 per second, all because of food.
That's all your close friends and family dying just while you were reading this.
I sit here at this stupid computer and next to me I see my lolly wrappers, chocolate wrappers, a hot chocolate, a redbull, a chicken sandwhich and a bottle of water. That could save peoples lives but yet I sit here thinking about how much fat is in it.
I'd accept it if you were to call me pathetic right about now.

I wish I could place my hand out before me and feel hands beneath it reaching out for help.
I wish I could look at someone that was once so sad and see the light within them shine with happiness while their tears still glistened only to fill with more tears, but tears of happiness and hope for a future.

I wish I knew where to start rather then just writing about it...

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07 December 2008 @ 11:11 am

(no subject)

I'm about to do something
that is either going to make me
or break me

And I could choose not to
at any given moment
but I'm havent,
and I'm not going to.

I hope it all works out.

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06 December 2008 @ 08:29 pm

(no subject)

Dear Diary,

I don't even think I know who I am anymore. Sometimes I think I do, and I could pledge it to the world, and others, much like today, I feel like just breaking down and giving up on everything that I want to work so hard for. Is this what it's all about? Overcoming problems we face, to reap in the best of what we can get? or is it telling me to go back to how I was before, with the friends that made me happy and the life that completed me. I find myself swallowing down so hard at times, trying my best to conceal everything that I've tried so long to hide. All the pain, the troubles and all the beautiful memories of a fucked up past, but sometimes it all gets to much. Sometimes someone will just say that one thing that I won't even see coming, and just like a f use, I'm ready to blow, ready to crack at any minute but I'll hide it, and I'll swallow it down. Time after time it builds up, more and more. But sometimes it fades away, other things grow and overcome it. Friends, success, goals being completed, and I couldn't be happier though I always become even happier.
Why am I feeling so shit today? Has it all become too much? I want to give up and go back to Perth in ways, but yet, I know I can't. I can't just give up like that, life here is amazing, I'm getting thrown some of the greatest opportunities and it's simply something I would do to just let go of it all just like that right now. I think I just answered my own question actually. I can't give up. I have to keep holding on, keep trudging through no matter what it takes.
Money.
Thats what it takes you know? That's what it's all fucking about. I'm going to prey to God tonight you know? I'm going to prey and beg for his forgiveness as so many have done, I'm going to ask him to solve my problems, and to try to help me. Isn't it funny how we all tend to go to him when we all need or want something. No, we never really NEED anything, they're all simply wants. Anyway, I hope it all works out. Oh, heck, it will. It will.It will.

Goodbye,

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05 December 2008 @ 08:03 pm

(no subject)

It's all a blur. You are, I am, they are, We are all. We thrive, we succeed, we fail, our confidence levels shrivel up to the size of beef jerky, then we either keep going, or we continue in the efforts to simply please others. Drugs tend to come and go. You either love them, or you hate them, or you love them then you hate them then you love them. At the moment, I hate them. Blah blah blah blah. Everyone always says the truth always comes out no matter what. Yeah, it will, if your an idiot who thinks you'll get something from telling your bffl that you slept with your brothers mates dads sisters bffls' neices nephew. You get the drift. True friends? Mates? They're all the same. You get to this really nice point in your life and you look around at all the people that are making it that way and you think, "Oh, how nice. Yup. These are my true friends." Because you think they are because your in a Utopia of happiness. Much like your serotin levels when you overdose on ecstasy, the happiness runs out and it's all over. It's the same as lovers and boyfriends and girlfriends and all that shit. I'm sure you remember pledging your dignified love to the last asshole that you thought had your heart, then you found a new asshole and you think you love him and that nothing in the world could ever compare. Yeah, nothing could ever compare, until a year later when you find yourself a new asshole to call your own. I'm sorry if this seems blunt and rude. Don't take it to heart if it seems I'm calling your lover an asshole, I'm not. Trust me, I have my own asshole whom I thinks great at the moment. along with a few other girls that I'd love to remind a few things but heck, why bother, everything happens for a reason and if people wanna stray, they stray and much like dogs, if you sleep with one, you'll catch fleas and eventually word gets round because you dickheads tell your bee eff eff ells. Yeah, I'm rambling absolutely nonsense at the moment. Feel free to judge me as you probably will anyway, I give up now, I really can't be bothered with all the shit people say these days. yeah, I love life, I really do. It's the only think I'll keep loving no matter how many times I fuck it over and no, I'll never love you, even if one fine day I say I do to you, we all lie now dont we? you do every time you say you do, you actually don't. So keep popping your pills for the highs, and I'll keep doing it for highs to turn to bittersweet lows. and I'll keep rambling shit day after day. Password after password. Would you like to save this password onto your computer? Yeah, sure, why not. I love work, it keeps me from being a naughty girl and having too much time to dribble shit as I'm doing now. Sober up chick, you've got work in a few hours. I'm sober. Now drift off to sleep, you're a case and a half you know? Hey scott? Nice friend you are. I hope I die just so you can feel bad for being so immature, but you probably wouldn't even care, cos you're just too damn good hey? Ok. I'll stop, that wasnt nice you bitch. Say goodnight, you have work soon.

Goodnight. you have work soon.

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05 December 2008 @ 06:52 pm

(no subject)

One day I'm going to look at you and feel absolutely nothing. I'm going to place my cold blooded hands against your warm face and I'll hope from within me that you ignite me like you used to keeping me warm no matter what I was wearing, or lack of. And we've fallen, we've parted and now we've drifted. Is this it? The end? I can't tell because I've fallen below my usual temperature and you've only risen leaving me with an ice cold touch though it should burn. I know I'll be over this soon. I'll be back in whatever it was he had though it wasn't love. or was it? No, it wasnt. I'm over it. I give up. Fuck off. but come back, one day.

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07 November 2008 @ 09:28 pm

(no subject)

In a few years
if I'm still alive,
I know I'll look back at who I am now
and think,
What an absolute idiot.

Why the drugs?
Why the starvation?
Why the need to be beautiful?
Why everything?

Deep down I know I'm not stupid,
I know I'm not the ugliest or fattest thing on Earth
I know if I put my mind to something I could do it..

Why am I so afraid that people will look at me and think I love myself if I just accept who I am,
I don't get it.

The day I look at someone and accept a compliment genuinely
I'll never look back.

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05 November 2008 @ 07:38 pm

(no subject)

Have you ever thought about a love heart? the way it's bottom point when split through the middle could symbolize two different people both starting at the same point in life.. birth.
Then as the two different lifes grow to be different so does the heart.
It divides and grows up and further away from one another and eventually much like life, something happens and changes it. The two meet at the hearts highest point before it's inward bend. They recognize their many differences, and accept one another. Then before they even realize they are both bending themselves and who they are. Not purposely, but moreso being so attracted by their opposites it rubs off on the other. Then bam. The two lines meet.
The two lives that started off the same and changed are united again and they're in love with everything about the other person because they shared their differences.

I don't think I've ever felt what it's like to be in love with someone. But to me, this is what love is. Love is accepting another persons differences and embracing it in them rather then trying to stop them from being who they are. It is not about changing who you are for someone else, but the realization after that you've naturally adapted yourself to them as well as they have to you.

There are so many people out there that feel as though they need to look for Love with another person, and once they find them, they forget about who they ever were and change to suit the other. This will never work out. No one wants to date themselves, and if they do, then they're so in love with themselves that they will never change to love you the same.

I'm just tired of losing so many friends through this and I'm sure you all know someone like it.. We're all different, we're all unique in our own ways and this is why people are attracted to you. They like you for your unusual laugh. They like you for your bushy eyebrows. They like you because you're simply you.

Love is simply acceptance,
the day we all look at another
with their different skin colour,
and eye colour,
and height,
and race,
and passed life,
and smell,
and voice,
and age
and differences
and we look at them and smile..
There will be no reason to ever hate.

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